I’d like to add ‘so far’ to that title because god knows, I’ve been a mom for almost two years now and I certainly don’t know it all. In fact, I learn something new every day (puke).

Childbirth wasn’t half as a bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I’d nearly go so far to say that it was relatively enjoyable. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments where I just wanted it all to be over because the pain was so intense but it’s a different kind of pain. Less of a “oh my god, I’m going to die” pain and more like a “oh my god, I’m trying to give birth to a very small human” pain. It’s a pain with an ending, and when the end comes you have a baby who looks up at you with an expression on his face that says “what the hell just happened?”

Toddlers don’t care about makeup. New makeup brushes are for sweeping the floor and eye shadow palettes are for throwing into the laundry basket. They just want you to sit and watch Peppa Pig with them and occasionally they want to stroke your hair at the same time. They don’t understand the difference between you looking done up or looking like a mess and all your hair products are just toys, OK?

Worrying is a full-time job. Did he eat his breakfast? What’s that spot on his hand? Is he tired? Is he over-tired? Will he be OK at the swimming pool? Will he be OK in nursery? Years ago I read somewhere that having a child is akin to having your heart walking around outside your chest and you know what? It’s true. I have gasped and held my breath more in the last two years than I have in my entire life.

There are categories of moms. Who knew? The ‘my life is defined by being a mom’ category and the ‘I secretly resent my child for taking away my freedom but cover it up by oversharing on Facebook about how amazing my life is since I had him/her’, the ‘judging mom’ and the ‘how the hell does she do it all’ mom. Love them or hate them, moms are a crazy bunch (myself included).

I’m still the same person, but different. I still do all the things I did before I had Charlie but now I do them less often and mainly after he has gone to bed, or during his nap time. I cry a lot more than I used to and find it particularly difficult to read anything upsetting about kids. I have a lot less time for bullshit and my friends have been whittled down to ‘amazing supportive moms’ or ‘friends who don’t have kids but they might as well have because they totally get it’.

Little things become big things. An hour in my room faffing about on my laptop in silence might as well be a weekend away and a coffee date with Adrian after Charlie has gone to bed (and just coffee in general) is just fabulous altogether. And did I mention the time Charlie used a fork on his own and we cheered like German fans after the whistle had blown in the World Cup final? 🙂

Mostly I’ve learned that motherhood is like being on a never-ending roller-coaster. Sometimes it’s hard, and exhausting and teary and you just want to get off and other times it’s amazing and exhilarating and laugh-out-loud funny and you don’t want it to stop but you know that time (that old bastard) is against you, whizzing by faster than you ever could have imagined.

How many of my lovely readers are moms?  And what have you learned since your bundle of joy came along?